I Need to Be More Careful

I haven't even started to fully implement my tax seduction strategy (I still have to buy the candles and massage oils) and already America is throwing money around like it was in a rap video. (After all, somebody's gotta make it rain in the club.) I need be more careful or our national debt could end up being a thousand times larger than it already is. Hell, America is even giving money back to people who didn't even pay taxes. That's not a rebate at that point, it's welfare. Who knew I had such strong powers of seduction? If I stuck to my original plan, I fear that America would give back everyone's money and the Grand Canyon would turn into a giant rain forest from America being so wet. I'm scaling back my plans for everyone's benefit. You're all welcome.

Isn't She a Bit Young to Be Married?

...is what I thought about a girl I saw at church yesterday. (Her left arm was on the back of the chair around her husband, and I couldn't help but notice the ring.) But then I had the thought: maybe I am just getting too old to be single. I've bitched and moaned about being single before, but it's never popped into my mind worded like that. What does it mean? I dunno...

So Old It Farts Dust

I wrote the post below over 10 years ago (as is evident by it being written the week following her death). I could write it better now, but it still amuses me the way it is (though I did take this occasion to clean up some of the punctuation). I would have posted this a long time ago, but I only recently found it when I was looking for a different file on my old computer.

No, I didn't hate Princess Di. I really didn't care one way or the other about her. What I couldn't stand though was the wailing and gnashing of teeth by the media over her death that went on for weeks. Meanwhile, there was barely a mention when Mother Theresa died shortly thereafter. I guess she wasn't young and pretty enough to garner more attention.

The Princess Who Lived Up To Her Name

Last Saturday night when I heard that Princess Di had died I was stunned. I mean, I was almost as surprised as the time when I was 6 years old and came home from school to find out my dog had died. Yes, these tragedies are on the same level. Well, maybe I was more upset when my dog died, but that's beside the point. On the news, they kept saying how Di was being followed by Paparazzi before the car crashed. I was outraged at this. I mean, just because the guy is one of the three tenors and is a famous opera singer doesn't give him the right to follow anybody around on a motorcycle. And you know it had to be a Harley-Davidson motorcycle. Have you seen the size of this guy? The only motorcycle that he could ride is a hog. My question is this: How many more famous people have to die because of these out-of-control opera singers before we take a stand against their senseless violence? I never thought I'd say this, but the world of opera has become as violent as the world of rap.

Quite the Spectacle!

I finally got around to getting a relatively decent picture of my new reading glasses. I tried to get some pictures of them on me, but there were focusing issues with those, so this is what you get. Here they are sitting on a piece of paper.


They have a little more "chic" than my old reading glasses, but they still have the same amount of "geek". I know it's just been tearing you up on the inside wondering what the new glasses looked like. You need be torn up no longer.

P.S. Click the pic to embiggen it.