It's Not So Much The Heat As The Humidity
Three cheers for tired Midwestern summertime cliches! After getting sick of hearing this refrain multiple times every single summer of my life, I've taken it upon myself to beat it into the ground as much as possible to cut other people off at the pass. Sure, it may make me "that guy", but it's less irritating to me than for you to be "that guy". From what I've seen of the temperatures of the upcoming week, it looks like my new hobby is going to be sweating like a whore in church.
Summer may bring oppressive heat, but it's not all bad. This weekend is the Arts Fest, and it has been brought to my attention that, in addition to possibly finding some art I like, there will also be elephant ears. Elephant ears are the best fair food of all time. If you disagree, then you obviously are some sort of retard. Funnel cakes and corn dogs are fantastic in their own ways, but neither one is fit to carry an elephant ear's jock strap. Okay, so food probably doesn't need a jock strap, but I imagine that an elephant ear would be near the front of the line for such equipment if it did.
Where am I going with this? What's my point? Where are my pants? I have no idea. This is just me in rare word-vomit form. Since I've never been to the Arts Festival, I'm not quite sure what to expect. However, my best guess is that, even with the summer fair food, there will be much less of a white trash atmosphere than you get at carnivals and such. As much as I dislike hanging out in the presence of white trash, they are fascinating to watch from a distance. Mayhap Teri and I will need to hit some podunk small town carnival/fair later in the summer for that activity. It's been a while since I've been asked "You ain't from around here are you boy?". Good times.
7 comments:
How many times do I have to tell you? Your pants are right where you left them: in the fruit section of the ghetto Kroger on Westerville Road, right next to the watermellon and three week old honeydew.
What would I ever do without you and your sage advice Joe? Danke.
well i guess the more elephant ears you eat=more funnel cakes for me...and i am okay with that. man...now i want a funnel cake...stinkin' pregnancy cravings
My wife wants funnel cakes all the time even when she isn't pregnant. Now that she is pregnant... lets just say that when we had an opportunity to get a funnel cake a few weeks ago and I jokingly said, "I don't think we can afford it," I had to scoop my manhood up off the blazing hot concrete with one hand and pony up the funnel cake cash with the other.
Apparently there was some confusion. Teri thought that funnel cakes were elephant ears. We reached a compromise an now refer to both as "fried dough". Teri shared her funnel cake variety of fried dough with me on Saturday. It was delicious. She is amazing.
I know what elephant ears are, and I KNOW that they're delicious. And yet, I recently realized that I've NEVER ACTUALLY HAD an elephant ear.
What's wrong with me?
Darren, you lose at life. Seriously. If you've seen the big, flat mass of fried dough that has be slathered in buttery goodness and sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar and said "No thanks. That doesn't interest me.", then you sir are a colossal failure. No offense.
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